It’s true everyday I want to quit something, or everything on bad days. I want to close my business and be done with all the stress. I want to stop doing all those demanding mommy things that aren’t really as rewarding as they say. I want to not have to pour so much energy into marriage because it’s hard work. I want to order pizza or some other take out option every night and not have to worry about how many veggies and fruit my kids have had each day. I want to quit it all and just escape the mess and responsibilities. Phew! There, I said it! Are you still with me? I hope so, it’s not just a big ugly rant, I promise there is a purpose behind the confessions.
We let the challenges of life’s journey plant seeds of disappointments, which in turn grow into lies that distract us from our true priorities. The reality is we cannot sustain in the long run a life of daily heart disappointment. I believe the problem comes from the lies we tell ourselves about what we think we want versus what we truly want. I have spent a decent amount of time thinking and praying about this subject. Do I really want to run away from my kids? Impact the ‘world’ but fail at serving the people who were personally given to me? Do I truly think I want to do life as a single woman? Is being ‘just a mom’ what I want to do for the rest of my life? Do I want my family to eat anything and everything without a care? NO! All these questions and many others get a ‘no’ when I take the time to ask myself honestly. Whenever I’m away from my kids I constantly say ‘oh the kids would love this’ and miss them as if the chambers of my heart weren’t all together in my chest (although I could work on that separation thing). I need my husband as he needs me and I love doing life with him and would be miserable without him. I tried doing nothing else but being a good homemaker, I was suffocating and life felt as if it was already over for me, while only in my twenties. I don’t even like pizza! I actually enjoy cooking and we all always pay with our health when we don’t focus on what we feed ourselves. These are my truths. These are the things I actually care about.
So the question rises, why do I keep telling myself those lies and believe them? Why do I act like I want to be somewhere else, do something else, be somebody else? The lies we allow to enter our hearts! These lies will always creep in on bad days or hard seasons or because we saw a glimpse of somebody else’s life and took it for perfection. The lies steal our joy and cloud our assessment of our current situation. We start to tell ourselves we’re wearing the wrong skin and living the wrong life, while truly this is probably the life we would choose if we had to choose again.
Of course exceptions apply but generally speaking, bursting the lies bubble is a matter of perspective, adjustments and growth in maturity at times. Acknowledging and admitting that sometimes things ’suck’ doesn’t mean you’re unhappy, it doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure and certainly doesn’t mean you are living the wrong life. So yes, everyday I want to quit. EVERYDAY! I do, most of us do if not all of us. Everyday there’s something that’s too much and makes us feel too small or too incompetent. But that colossal mess is closely knitted into the very things that matter to our hearts and that’s why we shouldn’t quit, that is why we don’t quit. Everyday. I don’t quit because the truth is, all of this, intertwined within the mess, it is all that I want and love!
I wanted to take the risk to get personal and write this article as an encouragement but also as an eye opener for both you and me. I have observed a lot of people in the different circles I am part of struggle with this very issue and I struggle too – my point today is that we all do! Some publicly and some in the secret place. Either way I want you to know you’re not alone. I consider Lara Casey an e-mentor as in she doesn’t know that I look up to her and admire her, and brag about her every time I get a chance – like now. The thing is, I don’t see Lara (we’re on first name basis in my head, haha) as an inspiration because she has a perfect life or business or relationship with God, but because she embraces vulnerability so beautifully and doesn’t quit and run away from the mess of life. I always feel so encouraged when after a mommy meltdown, a postponed launch or a difficult transparent talk about marriage, she graces us with her bold and contagiously cheerful laugh, which to me symbolizes victory from not quitting. We will be better off stopping those lies right on their tracks than feeding them and blowing up that bubble even bigger. I am a big daydreamer and I know how we can get lost in those ‘parallel layers’ where things are seemingly less complicated and scary but it’s not reality. It’s not dreaming, it’s lying to yourself! Working on what’s real and true is always the best option, however hard it may be.
PS: Lara Casey just launched her new website where you can download three free e-books on goals, faith and relationships. Go check them out!